Two Thousand and Fourteen

Today is the first day of 2014.  I am one of those people who like symbolic fresh starts.  Realistically I know that I am not going to magically become a new person with a lack of my current personality flaws, namely my lack of self discipline.  However, there is something about beginnings that give me a mental boost to help me attempt to make changes.  I want to make a reminder to myself, however, that every day and every moment of each day can be a fresh start.

Of course I have things I want to change about myself, things that I have been wanting to change for way longer than just the past year and I know that part of getting there is the journey.  I would love to see changes like the following:

• Eat healthier - make my own food rather than eating out or pre-made.
• Exercise more (by that I mean at all).
• Read more books.
• Spend more time with the people I love.
• Stop procrastinating, especially in regards to school work.
• Keep my house clean.
• Learn more outside of school.
• Find more ways to express myself creatively.
• Start seeing someone for my phobia.
• Do charity work.
• Take more photos of events and everyday things.

I am sure there are more, and I will be working towards all of them, but one thing I definitely want to work on, a definite priority, is to be less negative.  I am a very negative person in my own head.  I instantly hate everything, or at least that is what it feels like most of the time.  I am also very hard on myself.  That list above is something that my scumbag brain tries to tell me that I should have perfected from the beginning, not accepting that to get there is a process.  I do not desire this type of negativity in my life.  I want to focus on the positives and the achievements that I make, even if for some days that means just getting out of bed.

This blog, which I am hoping to keep up with, is mainly just for myself, but if you would like to follow along, maybe we can be encouragement to each other.  This used to be my blog for documenting my dreams (actual night dreams, not goals) and I still want to document those here, but I feel that I can also use this place to share other things happening in my life as well.  I am planning to attempt to share the things that I learn here, because I have heard it said that if you can teach something then you really understand it.

So, a message to anyone who is reading this (including myself), every moment can be a fresh start, so if you start to slack on the things you want to change in your life, steel your resolve and make that moment your new start and continue on.  Never stop picking yourself up and starting over because you are not defeated until you stop trying.  

GO US!!! And Happy New Year! *pops confetti popper*

Night of the Living Dead

So far, I have dreamt four times that I can remember about Zombies.  I am going to blame the current zombie craze.  My most recent zombie dream was about a week ago, while my first zombie dream was probably about a year ago now.

The first zombie dream that I ever had was definitely the most fun.  I awoke with a feeling of being powerful. It was set in space with a sci-fi-esque feel.  I was wearing a space suit and on some sort of space station similar to a building you would see in the Jetsons.  The only part of the dream that really stuck with me was when I was fighting a zombie that was attacking me and I took it out with a baseball bat to the head.

The second zombie dream that I had was more recent, probably only a few months ago.  In this dream I was a zombie handler.  I had a group of zombies that were under my control.  I was very particular about the fact that my zombies were not allowed to feed from children.  I had to take my zombies out to feed and once they were done, I had to go back around and destroy the heads of all of the people they ate from so that they would not rise as zombies also.  The main reason for this was that I would not be in control of those zombies and they might kill children.

The third zombie dream I had was the least descriptive.  It was just of me killing a zombie, nothing particularly special.

The fourth and most recent was the only one in which I was actually turned into a zombie.  Jonathan and I were hiding in this rickety house and we were trying to keep away from the zombies and were doing a fairly good job of it.  The twist was that my dream world decided to remove one of the walls of the room of the house that we were in so that we were no longer protected.  The wall was facing the beach so we were fighting them on sand.  I only was able to grab a pen to try to defend myself with, which is probably why I ended up becoming zombie fodder.  Jonathan had a small ax.  Once I was infected with the zombie virus, I was able to warn Jonathan that I was not able to control the desire to attack him.  He had apparently wired the house we were in with explosives.  We decided that he would blow us and as many zombies as possible up while we could.  That was the end of the dream.

I swear that I am not a violent person.  I get sad when I kill ants and spiders.  Whenever I see something dead in the road, even something as normally unappealing as an opossum I cry for it.  I am not sure why I dream about violent zombie deaths, maybe I just have no sympathy for zombies.

If anyone else has dreamt of zombies I would love to hear about it!

A Friend Who Has Passed

I have a friend who died tragically almost three years ago.  I am not sure that anyone ever really gets over a loss that is unexpected, especially when the person is young.  I had a dream the other night that my husband died and in dying brought my friend back to life.  Everyone was so excited to have my friend return to the land of the living and in the dream the death of my husband was not focused on, just a catalyst.  I remember feeling excited to catch up with my previously dead friend and have him meet my nephew, who was born since he had died.

This dream reminded me of a dream that I had about him only a few months after he passed.  In that dream I and everyone else were also dead.  We were in what I am presuming was heaven, or just the afterlife.  We were all androgynous, we were no longer two genders, everyone was a single gender.  Because of this, and the nature of the place that we were, no one wore clothing.  We were still basically humanoid in form.  The main action of my dream was just me, my dead friend and his wife all hugging.  We were happy to be reunited.

I have had one other dream with my dead friend in it.  I don't remember most of it, just that he was alive again.  Instead of having been dead it was like it had just been gone for awhile.  Again, it was like catching up with an old friend and filling him in on my life and what he had missed while he was gone.

I often think of my friend and miss him, however, I cherish these dream moments where I get to see him and catch up with him.

Wibbly Wobbly Housey Wousey

First off, I'm horrible about remembering to blog, I'm really sorry, to both myself and anyone who reads this.

Second, my husband and I are having our backyard redone. We are currently in the demolition stage. This morning the sound of jackhammers comprised the soundtrack for my dreamscape.

I dreamt that while the crew were working they somehow broke some part of the foundation of the house. I was freaking out because my cats and I were in the house while it happened. I ran to where the sounds were coming from so that I could look out a window and see what all the ruckus was about. When I reached the corner of my house where the crew was working the whole house started tipping like a table with legs on uneven ground. I instantly ran the other direction to correct the balance of the house.

I was mostly feeling fear that my cats would somehow be crushed. After a few slapstick comedy moments of running around trying to herd my cats, the dream transitioned.

This next part of the dream found me in a kitchen that wasn't mine with two children about four or five years of age. One of the kids was my nephew. He was trying to grate cheese. Since it is not exactly something a child that age should do, I helped him. Once we had a nice pile of cheese he then refused to eat any of it. I had no problems. My sister-in-law came in and ate some as well. Then someone else came in, an older woman, who tasted the cheese and said that it tasted off. I proceeded in looking at the date on the package, I determined that the cheese was out of date. This was definitely done in a dream haze as I couldn't remember what year it was supposed to be and the date in my head kept switching from 2007 to 2009. The date on the cheese was 2008, I think.

I woke up freaking out about the fact that I had eaten expired cheese, and anyone who knows me knows that I'm one of those people who throws things out before their expiry dates, especially dairy products.

Knifes and Mistresses

The night before last I experienced two dreams that I was able to remember.  They were both disturbing in their own way, I am not entirely sure what inspired them, but I was glad to be out of both of them.


In the first one I was in line for a college registration, or something, and the college gave each person an identification number and we had to put ourselves in the correct order according to our number in line.  My section of numbers got out of order because someone took a wrong turn in the corridors that we were walking through.  Because of this, when we got to an area where someone was checking our numbers we were told to get into our correct spot, this was difficult for me because I do not like to be in embarrassing situations like this.  Once we finally got to our spot this one girl was being mean to another girl about her lack of make up, so I asked her if she was ever comfortable enough with her looks to go out in public sans makeup and she just sneered at me, which was an answer in itself. When we got up to a certain area we had to go through a metal detector and my bag scan detected something wrong so it was opened by a guard and there was a crazy, killer knife set in there.  I swore that it was not mine and must have been planted.  I was sure that the mean girl from before set me up.  The issue wasn't resolved and that is about when I woke up, which I was relieved to do as I did not want to deal with the fallout even in my dream.


The second dream was also really upsetting.  Jonathan, my husband, was married to another woman and I was his mistress.  His wife didn't live with him but at her own apartment while I lived with him and acted as his rightful wife.  We were having a party at his wife's apartment with our friends and two of our friend's kids came out fighting about a loaded handgun that they were tug-of-warring with.  I am not sure how we knew it was loaded, but that is just the way dreams work I guess.  Everyone was freaking out and I was the nearest so I managed to get it away from them but it was really scary as I was not sure that in the process they were going to accidentally shoot one another or myself.  Then my family came over to the party and asked me about why Elyse had a fat little dog (for some reason they thought that the apartment was my sister-in-law's apartment) and I explained that it belonged to Jonathan's wife.  I don't know in the dream if they already knew that Jonathan and I were not really married, but I told them as if they did, but immediately realized that Jonathan and I had to talk about what to tell people about his wife.  This was at the end of the dream and I remember also wondering and needing to ask if Jonathan had sex with his wife.  The weirdest thing about the mistress part of this dream was that in the dream I didn't care at all that Jonathan had a wife, I wasn't jealous, I understood the reasoning and was okay with it.  I don't exactly know what the reasoning was, though.

Bad Blogger

So, this is me apologizing for being a horrible blogger.  I really love my crazy dreams, and I have been having a few, but I have been forgetting to share them.  Here are a few that I have had recently.


The night before the night before last, so two nights ago, I had a dream where I was with a group of people and we were out in the woods somewhere.  I am not sure about the details, where exactly we were or who the people I was with were, but I seemed to be running or hiding from something.  At one point I had a person who had just died with me, and I needed to get this person to an old woman who was rumored to be in the woods who would be able to help bring my comrade back to life.  I finally found the old woman and she was so old she was a dry husk of a creature.  She almost looked like a shrunken mummy.  She was able to help bring my friend back to life, but it used up the last reserves of her strength.  So to repay her kindness, I was then tasked to take her to an area in the woods that would help her heal.  I don't know if I ever made it to this new area to heal the woman as I woke up, but I do know that it was not looking likely as I was still being pursued.


The night before last I had one of those dreams that are really aggravating, but nothing serious happens.  I was going to a movie theatre with all of my high school graduating class.  We were each bringing something food wise to share while we watched the movie and I was bringing fruit.  For whatever reason my fruit was on a platter made from cheap paper plate material, so the moisture from the cut up fruit was making the platter flimsy.  By the time I made it to the theatre, I had lost almost all of my fruit.  I was left with a handful of grapes and a few orange slices.  I am not sure what the purpose of this dream was, but I woke up feeling extremely annoyed.


Last night I dreamt that I was in a beach house with random people.  I don't know why we were there, or what we were doing, but I know at some point people were there with me but then they decided to leave.  I was going to lock up the house and meet them wherever we were going.  As I was now alone and getting ready to lock up, I noticed that something was trying to get into the house.  I have no idea what it was.  As I am trying to remember all I can envision is someone looking like Sloth from The Goonies, but I think my brain is just making that up.  The part of the dream that is most clear to me is that I am trying to close broken doors that lead to a sun room, but they aren't closing properly.  It is at this point that I can clearly see the person or thing coming after me and they are trying to cajole me into letting them in, but I know it is a trick and that they just want to hurt me.  I woke up shortly after this, but I cannot exactly remember where it stopped.


Hopefully with the summer upon me I will be better at making sure I write down my dreams as I wont often be waking up to alarms and the rush to get to class.

Grandparents

I finally had a dream worth sharing last night.  My paternal grandparents are both deceased, but I have a step-grandmother still living, whom my grandfather married shortly after my grandmother's death.  In my dream my grandfather was still alive and married to Joyce, my step-grandmother.  I was out with my grandfather and we were traveling somewhere near the desert.  We felt the need to stop at a small casino-like place on the way.  Here we found my grandmother and brought her home.  It was shocking, because we had all thought her dead, but it wasn't an issue to find her and bring her home.  My step-grandmother was upset, but my grandfather assured her that she was whom he loved and would be staying with, I just was able to get my grandmother back.  


It was quite odd, as I have never dreamt of my grandmother that I can remember.  It was also odd to dream of  my grandfather, as I have only had a few dreams of him since he passed.  I miss them both, my grandfather more-so as I had more time to get to know him.  It is always nice to visit them in my dreams.